Here I am in bed...thinking about my day. It's been a good day. One that I look forward to every week. You see, on Sundays I get to attend church. And church is one of my favorite places to be. You see, I'm surrounded by people who, like me, are imperfect in their own ways, yet we seek perfection and redemption through Christ. It's a common place where we seek to edify our lives and make a firmer commitment to be like our Savior. It's also a place of worship and thanksgiving. A place to lay down our fears, sins, pains, sorrows, and loneliness. A place to find peace, acceptance, and happiness. Now you know why I love Sundays and attending church.
I have many friends that attend the same church as me, and several that don't. I love the diversity in my friends, and find that each one of them have gifts and talents unique to them. They bless my life in several untold ways. They fill my life with joy and comradery. I pray that I can be as much of a blessing in their lives as they are in mine.
The friends who attend the same church meetings as me can attest to what I'm about to say. I have a tendency to speak before I think things through. My mouth is spurting out words and my mind is rusing to catch up. In other words, my mouth is as fast as the rabbit, and my mind as slow as the turtle. Eventually my mind catches up and redeems itself, but it's usually hours after the fact or even days.
It's like I tell people, I'm not funny. I like funny people, and I love to laugh, but I'm not the one to crack the joke. That's why I married Ted. He's my humor in every way. He'll crack a joke and I immediately laugh because I know it's funny, but it usually takes me a good 10 seconds or more to catch up. That's when the real laughter sets in. It's cute because then he thinks he's extra funny. And he is. :)
But back to my rabbit mouth and turtle brain...so as I'm laying in bed thinking, all my comments from the day come back to me. It's my one day that I'm surrounded by people, so every comment I make is heard. In Sunday school, I go to the most basic class. I feel like simplicity is my level of learning. If it's too complicated, it goes right over my head. So, we're encouraged to share experiences or any impression we have. And I am always impressed (We have amazing lessons). So my hand is raised, I'm called on, and my mouth is going before I even know what's going on. It happens every Sunday. When I get home, I'm too busy being mom again to worry about my comments. But when I lay down for bed and have a few minutes of silence, my mind replays my words. It's kinda like a horror movie in slow motion, and I'm the star. I slaughter my words, I say things that don't make sense, and worst of all, I cry...a lot. Mostly from other people's amazing insight. But at night, tears fill my eyes from the embarrassing show I've given. That's the exact reason I stick to my written talk when I have to speak during sacrament meeting. Because when I write things, it makes my words slow down to a speed that my brain can keep up with. And I can reread. And edit. Gotta love the delete key. I use it often.
So tonight, I'm laying in bed, reviewing my words and I cringe. But then, I get a text from an amazing and incredibly inspired friend. She's apologizing about her comments in class today. I'm shocked! They were so good that I cried (literally). They were so well placed and spoken that some of them were even in the lesson (without her knowing). That's how awesome and inspired she is. And that got my old turtle brain grinding it's gears. If she thinks her comments are bad, does that mean that maybe mine aren't so bad? And if that's the case, the how many other people feel the same way as us? How many people hold back their thoughts? Thoughts that need to be shared. I love to listen to other people share their lives and experiences. I love listening better than talking, because I learn so much more. When I talk, I only hear what I already know. But when I listen, I learn something new. I love it!!! So, my whole point to my endless rambling is, please, if you are one of those who don't share, please start. If you think nobody listens or wants to hear what you have to say, you're probably wrong. Because I always want to know what people have to say. I want to know what inspires them. Because that inspires me. And, if you do share and worry about what you've said (I put myself in this category), then don't wait another minute worrying. Someone needed to hear what you had to say. So, speak up. Share your story. Your experiences. Your life. It will open a whole new world of friendships and comradery.
