God's Love is Tangible

I'm not sure why, but I feel like I need to write. Maybe it's my way of healing or therapy or whatever...who knows. But my heart is so full. I feel that, as I've gone through struggles and trials in my life, The Lord has left the door open for me to choose whether I let Him in or shut Him out. He lets me decide if I will harden my heart and resist His comfort or open my soul and receive His love. The latest trial of my miscarriage has been the second hardest thing I've been through in my life, next to my dad's death. I know miscarriages happen a lot, to many people, and I feel like they usually go unnoticed or unspoken about because people are afraid to say something that might hurt the person more, or they're not sure how to handle the situation themselves, so they stay away from the subject all together. I understand that most suffering is quiet, and felt most in the moments when least expected. For me, I hide away to deal with my emotions on my own, processing them through thoughts and prayer. One thing I've learned through this experience is that, it's okay to feel loss and sadness. It's okay to reach out to God for help and comfort. The Lord will bless us with peace and comfort, and He places special earthly friends and family around us to help us. I've seen His words and love through so many people who barely know me. Friends from the ward, Medora community, and random nurses at the hospital. It's been hard being away from family during this time, but God has made sure we've been surrounded by His compassion through the people in our lives. I've learned that it's okay to share trials with others. That suffering in silence can be worse than having someone to put an arm around you and let you know it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel. It's okay to be human. It's okay to be real. It's okay. So many times God will fulfill His work with the people around us who listen and heed His promptings. I feel so blessed to be in a community and area where people's hearts are open and softened. The love we've felt has been more than we ever imagined. Whether it's a phone call from my sister in law, a text from Ted's work associates, a Facebook message from friends, or a visit from neighbors, the Lord's hand is evident. My heart is fully open to the love, thoughts, and prayers of each of you. Thank you for being the Lord's hands. Nothing is an accident. We know this trial we are passing through will soften with time. I rejoice in the opportunity and blessing I had to carry a child of God, even for a short time. I'll miss the earthly life we could've had together, and pray that I'll be able to live up to the standard Christ has set so I can someday meet and rejoice with this precious spirit I never met on earth. I pray that everyone who goes through similar trials won't hide in their own fear or guilt or embarrassment. Life is to be celebrated, whether in this life or the next. I know it's taboo to announce pregnancy before the first trimester, because miscarriage is common, but I also feel every life is precious, and even if it's drawn short, it's good to share and rejoice in the happiness of a new child, even if it's taken back home before it arrives. It gives people the opportunity to lift one another up and feel the Christ-like love towards those who endure the trial of miscarriage. I really hope that in the future, our society will be more open with announcing a new life,as soon as they feel comfortable. And if that life is given back, I hope people will circle around them, buoying them up as we have been. In the end, I have no regrets. We celebrated the life of a child while it was here. And now we'll mourn the loss and feel the love of our Savior. The biggest thing that gives me comfort is knowing that He's endured my loss, my pain, my emptiness. His empathy and grace is real. He knows. And with that knowledge, I'm lifted up in His endless compassion and love, to overcome a trial nobody wants to endure. My heart is filled with empathy for those who've shared their experiences with me, and those who silently bear them may The Lord bless each one of you, and may your hearts be open to His endless love.